ojjo

Private Eye Van der Winchester

2011-07-06T08:22:00.000Z

Chapter 1

He entered the room, quietly, from behind. Unnoticed like ‘ball haaries’ hugging a ‘boerie roll’. His hair was blond, and styled like his cricketing and lifestyle hero, Jacques Kallis - and with a similar scent of smelly socks, man chutney and mud, nestled amongst hair products. His name was Derrick and he was a man of his own destiny and a man of the world. He had been roaming the world for the past decade and he was loved in every country he touched but mostly just in the east. He was a champion and he was a famed detective. A hero with a penchant for large women, small tents and a burning desire for answers. He is still not sure who in fact framed Rodger Rabbitt but swore he would solve that case before he packed his bags for the farm. A hero with a mission to make it happen. Like his best mate, he wore his white ‘jean pant’ tight, and ever since he had taken his detective exam he had been living the high life, up on the 27th floor. He strolled around, smiling, he was on top of the world and he chuckled when he remembered the great peaks that he had scaled. All three of those girls had left him shattered and restless, like a piece of burger stuck in a nostril and he smiled slyly. Derrick took his time and examined the crime scene, the police waiting patiently outside for the expert to complete his analysis.

Chapter 2

Donny was a bright young fashion designed. A raging homosexual and a flaming legend, he enjoyed two things, a bit of bumfluff and also tomato sauce. He could often be found in Camps Bay chanting hate slogans at the heterosexual couples who he despised like the sunset. He was resting on the pavement, a few lagers already buried deep in his belly, when the street clock chimed, signalling noon. He looked around lazily before his jaw dropped and he stared astonishingly inside the office of the local Accountant where he was witnessing the most violent crime to shake the neighbourhood since Pronkie Mood arrived in town nine years earlier with his caravan and bad attitude. It was over in a flash and it took Donny some time before he was able to compose himself and he then ran to be of assistance. When he arrived, there was blood everywhere and a lifeless body lay still on the floor. Closer inspection revealed the victim was his mate, Scullies. Donny turned with a snap, as he heard a door close nearby. He finished the snap with a pirroette before throwing his head back and giggling. Without thinking he chased the sound and could see a hunched figure running down the street. He ran, like the wind, on a windless day. Confronting the criminal who had his back to him. Without thinking Donny reached for the only thing he could see. The fire extinguisher emptied itself and when Donny came too, he was covered in white powder and shame, able to remember little of what had just occurred. A white piece of paper with a scribbled address lay stuck between his chunky fingers.

Derrick stared at Donny like he was a panda in the dark. The police officers had led him to the crucial witness and Donny was sat on the pavement, with a blanket around his shoulders and a cup of brandy to ease the shock. They knew each other well and had a tangled history. Derrick had never forgiven Donny for rooting his sister badly. Donny swore that he was just out of practice but it was shortly after this incident that Donny had climbed out of his closet and ‘outed’ himself in front of everyone. Derrick remembered the old saying, 'shoot a koala in the paw and it will eventually fall from tree'. Derrick was not angry with Donny because he made love to his sister but rather, it was believed, Derrick was jealous.

Chapter 3

Derrick was closing in on the criminal, when he spotted a clue. She was nice, like soft toilet roll, and her strawberry blond hair chased the summer flies that surrounded her. He unclipped his spade, and spaded her deep. He was getting close and knew he was in there when she gave him a hairy beaver and flashed him an eye. They huddled together and our hero used his toe to turn up the radio. Lional Richie was giving it horns and so was Derrick. They undressed hurriedly and while she turned to take her watch off, he slipped softly into her staff entrance. Derrick woke up on the pavement, naked, and he could tell that he had been crying. He had the last laugh though, because he now had the clue that he was looking for. He knew who the villain was.

With the police behind him he knocked on the door of apartment number 2. There was no response and when the small door mat held no secrets, Derrick became agitated and kicked down the door. The door fought back though and Derrick howled in pain, his foot badly injured and his pride seeping quickly away. Using the brute force of the law they eventually succeeded in entering the property and there ahead of him lay some vital clues, including a piece of chewing gum and a bottle of brandy. The chewing gum was soft and clung to his fingers. A strong snort of the nostril verified what he already knew, it was indeed chewing gum and he had indeed got it stuck in his moustache. The brandy followed a similar inspection routine and a smile spread across his face, moving steadily like p0rn through a schoolyard. A dinner plate lay abandoned on a side table next to one of the couches and Derrick hunched over it with intense concentration. The fish was going off, but in a bad way, not dancing like a mother fucker. The smell was pungent; someone had left in a hurry and had barely nibbled their dinner. Derrick could tell that the fish was obviously missing the jaw bone even though the head had not been removed. He had his man.

Chapter 4

They caught up with Roan McWiggy at Waterloo Station, he was boarding a train bound for nowhere and he had guilt written all over him. Someone had spelt it incorrectly though and Derrick marvelled at the error. Roan did not put up a fight and was taken into custody by a rough sergeant who commented on the delights he could look forward to in Wandsworth prison. Roan cried and begged Derrick to help him while Derrick smiled, and scratched his left cheek. It appeared that they had got their man, but Derrick knew that it was not all as it seemed and had been aware that someone very clever was setting up poor Roan to fall. It was at times like these that he sometimes thought he was alone with the Asians in the world of intellect and he smiled slyly. Roan had been sacrificed like a hot cross bun without the cross. Derrick deduced that the man he was looking for would be sitting in the next carriage and he would be unaware that they were on to him.

Gary the Greek sat quietly in the next carriage. Staring intently at his laptop he was waiting for the news to break that Roan McWiggy had been caught. He could hardly believe it when he was grabbed roughly by a tough sergeant who again commented enthusiastically on the facilities and pleasures of Wandsworth. The sergeant turned Gary to face Derrick and the two locked themselves into a stare. Derrick stared like a camel in heat and then he stared some more. There was only one question which needed to be asked and Gary beat Derrick to it, “What was the score in the Sharks game?”. Derrick had no idea so instead asked Gary why he had done it and what Scullies had done to deserve such a demise. Gary’s reply was curt, “He was threatening to shut me down“. As Gary was being led away he turn and shouted, “How did you know it was me?”. Derrick turned and smiled, “Strawberry blond my friend, strawberry blond - no bird has back hair like that forrest you forgot to trim".

Chapter 5

He turned to the sergeant, and mentioned that this was the most complex puzzle he had solved since determining two years previously that dingoes do in fact bark. He smiled shyly to himself and shook his head, still unable to believe that those wretched animals bark. This had been an emotional rollercoaster for our hero and, with the job done, he ran into the arms of his sister for comfort. Her name was Ruby and she smiled like the sun in the morning. Her body was tight and inviting and her nipples were bursting out into the night. Derrick shivered and then scolded himself, promising never to think dirty thoughts of his sweet, sexual, sister again.

Chapter 6

The chicken clucked softly, uncontrollably, aware something was wrong as it looked anxiously around the hatchery. It had never felt anything like this before. It turned to the hen next him who was smiling, “just give it a push”, she said, “It’s an egg”.

“But it is so painful, it’s too big”

“Just push, everything will be fine, the farmer will reward us like he always does”

So, the chicken pushed, and pushed, again clucking involuntarily. It pushed, with all it's strength.

Looking up towards the sky, visible through the fencing it could see the sky, blue as the ocean, starting to turn pink and a tear began to appear, working its way down towards the horizon. Thunder roared and rumbled, getting louder. The rumbling now became so loud he could think of nothing else and buried within the noise he swore he could here a sound. He strained to hear and could vaguely make out a large voice.

Looking across, the hen was still smiling, and encouraging him, “you are doing fine love, just keep pushing”. The chicken smiled back.

Suddenly the earthquake started and became increasingly violent but the chicken kept pushing and could now feel the egg passing through. The chicken was now shaking uncontrollable and as it looked up the sky finally broke, tearing a pink tear in the blue sky. It could hear its name being shouted, and as the chicken came to, he could hear Donny shouting, “Wake up Derrick you are shitting in the bed”.

Derrick decided to let Donny sleep and headed for the lounge to pour himself a drink. Beyond that tough character he put forward for the public, he wore his heart on his shoulder, like a small penguin. Derrick was as sensitive as a new born flower in autumn and as he sat back on the couch, he heard a loud sigh. It was the penguin and he looked across disdainfully. He clutched his rum and bleak and wept dirty tears into the night.

But we can rest easy, knowing he is on the case.

The Hill - Transcript

2010-12-03T16:41:00.000Z

Alone, they huddled together, desperate and broken. Far are the cries when dampened by the wars that rage.

This is their story.

Gregory: The decision was made by way of a vote, all votes anonymous, and a few nervous smiles spread as Pieter pulled each out of the hat. Pieter was sweating profusely, he often did, but he looked in control, only the slightest shaking of his left hand betrayed what I thought was fear. The vote was tallied and the decision made, we were now to build a raft and move on from the island that had been our home for the last seven years.

The raft took all of three weeks to build, and was a very quiet time for us all. I was given the task of managing the build as my Greek heritage saw to it that I knew more than I should about seafaring. I smiled quietly - I am an expert on two things really, and the other is chicken. Most of us kept to ourselves during this time in nervous anticipation and restlessness and when at last the day came to launch the atmosphere was stale and terse.

Pieter: The launch went well - a good sign - and everybody finally had a chance to laugh, releasing some of the tension that had strangled us these past few weeks. Wiggy accidentally slipped when he climbed on the raft and howled in pain and frustration as his head hit on the edge of the raft while toppling back into the warm ocean. We all roared with laughter and it really lifted everybody’s spirit, even Wiggy could see the funny side as Dave helped him back up and gave him a hug.

Gareth had trusted me with a secret many years ago and I smiled as I realised that our current situation, with us all squashed in close proximity, would soon see this out in the open.

Dave: Dopey stood firm at the bow, his head into the wind as it pushed his long dark hair back. His strong, thick jaw clenched and his eyes surveying the horizon. He seemed so brave and unfazed as he pulled his trousers up a little higher. He turned to me and smiled.
“What do you think our chances are?”, I asked cautiously.
“Well hello man. Don’t get all teary eyed, you Muppet”
“I can’t take this anymore, I just… just… want to be back home”
“Well, close your eyes, keep bleating and I am sure you will be there in no time”

Dopey and I had been friends for eleven years and I knew he did not mean the things he said and that inside he was sensitive and caring. I could see through the hard outer cast of defensive, bespoke armour.

Dopey: I stood firm at the bow with my head into the wind as it blew back my hair. I was troubled by the recent events and pulled my trousers up a little higher. It had been a time for reflection and my mind wondered back to memories I had thought were buried forever. I turned around and noticed Dave looking at me - that little punk was a fairy just waiting to pounce on his gay world of care-bears and short, tight, white jeans. I shivered when I realised that he had probably been staring at my arse. Our conversing was interrupted by the screams of laughter and I turned to see Wiggy pointing at Gareth and rolling around with delight.

Gregory: I was deep in thought, when Wiggy came to me and told me his story. Gareth had come to him and asked if he would come for a ‘swaz’ over the edge. Apparently Gareth looked desperate and was sweating more than Pieter at a vegetarian buffet. In his desperation he revealed to Wiggy that he was unable to ‘go’ if there was nobody standing next to him. At first Wiggy thought he was kidding, we all knew about Gareth’s propensity to only use the toilet at his home, but surely he had lost that habit after being stranded for seven years. When Wiggy realised he was serious, he could not help himself and burst into uncontrolled giggles. Dave came over and as soon as he heard about the problem happily volunteered to be Gareth’s aid. I curled up for some warmth and tried to keep the increasing swells out of my mind, Kirkland had things under control.

Kirkland: I was at the helm and had things under control. I had managed the build of the raft and was the only one capable of piloting us through the worsening weather. The raft pitched and rolled violently on the ocean but land was in sight and everyone was in high spirits. It took all of eighteen hours to hit the backline but that was when we all realised that landing this raft would not be a painless affair. I have never seen such waves or such fury emanating from the sea and sky. With a crash that matched the thunder minutes earlier, the raft clashed with the rocks, throwing bodies forward with distaste. The last thing I remembered was seeing limbs against sky and then darkness. When I came to I could hear screaming, it chilled me to the bone and I longed to find him. Who could it be? Why can’t I see? I wiped my eyes and realised I was badly cut on my head and had blood flowing down and blurring my vision. Once I had composed myself, I looked around - I was on a rock still about 30 metres from the sand and the screaming was coming from my right. I looked across to see Wiggy, naked and bloodied, in obvious pain. Everyone else seemed to be on shore and I swam over rescue Wiggy as quickly as I could, my legs feeling very weak. When I arrived all I could hear was surf and thunder, the screaming had stopped. Wiggy was lost.

Porto: We all assembled on the beach and held a ceremony for Wiggy. It was hard to believe, we had all grown so close given the circumstances and it was like losing a brother or as Scully always said, ‘my brother from another mother’. I cried softly for the life that could have been. Frank paid tributes to a brave man that had fought hard and had given himself up to the cause. He was, in Frank’s words, “the jaw-bone of our sole (sic)”. Dave mentioned Wiggy was "his sun, his moon, and boet, you made me tinkle". Dave ended by saying "we shall stumble on like mad puppies in the night".

The next three days were spent recovering but on the forth day we made our way slowly toward the hill which strangely circled the beach. There was no way any of us were going to go back in the water and we could see no alternate route but the climb would be difficult and dangerous and everyone seems unwilling to take the lead. My gold tooth was causing me real pain but this was the last thing on my mind.

Scully: I clawed my way up, heaving and sweating but I had made it. I looked down and called for everyone to follow before lying back and relaxing. I absently scratched my rash and had the same pang of regret that invaded my mind every day for the past twelve years, ever since I borrowed Kirkland’s soap. When everyone joined me we took a bit of time to make a rough camp. The top of the hill was very close and an easy twenty minute climb but we would do that tomorrow, well rested.

Ryan: Sometime during the night I heard what sounded like barking, perhaps a dog. I knew, as we all did, that dingoes bark, but took comfort that there was unlikely to be dingoes near. I decided against waking the boys and rather slept warily up against Dopey’s leg.

Dopey: I awoke before dawn to find Ryan sleeping with his head on my crotch. It was colder than the Ethiopian Highlands and I was shivering. I did not wake up Ryan.

Ryan: The next day we made the top of the hill, only to find a very large hut. The hut was fenced and built so that we could not see what lay behind it. We were excited at the thought of people but nervous that we could be stumbling upon more savages. Gareth and Dave agreed to investigate while the rest of us lay in wait. I looked across at Pronkie, he had already made himself comfortable and looked content on his patch of grass. He appeared to have no problem being on the move and even wore the t-shirt, ragged and torn but with logo still visible, ‘home is where you park it’.

Pronkie: I was dead tired and collapsed in my make shift bed, demanding and expecting sleep. The mind though can be bullish and my thoughts drifted back to the island and the unfortunate events surrounding our situation. I needed escape. I needed to be free.

Frank: We had not heard from Gareth or Dave for the full day and dusk was slowly creeping up on us. I had that unsettling feeling in the stomach, I giggled to myself as I compared it to that awful moment when you walk into a Gents loo and see someone washing their hands, only to walk into the recently vacated stall. I mused at how often I made that wrong decision.

My thick, ginger moustache tingled, as it often did when I sense something is wrong, and then I heard the growling. We were used to Porto snoring but this was terrifying. It did not take long for all of us to realise there was something in the darkness, stalking us. In my mind it was a Rottweiler, I am not sure what everyone else thought but the growl was menacing and mobilised us quickly. We all scampered over the wall, Scully leading the way and nobody daring to look back, once inside the hut we felt safe, at least until we realised that Gareth and Dave had still not returned.

Pieter: The hut was very rustic yet very clean with the sand floor swept and everything appearing to have a place for it. We were all having a look around the surprisingly large hut when the obvious owners arrived back. A tall lanky man followed by a short man with a pot belly. They were cordial but communication was limited to hand signals and we began to feel like we may very far from home. Gregory farted and appeared to anger our compatriots but the mood was calmed when Scully explained to them that this was our sign of appreciation.

Gregory: I farted. I was so embarrassed I could have jumped the wall into the night. Thank the tittied world for Scully.

Dopey: The makeshift front door opened and Gareth came through slowly. Gareth pulled what appeared to be a rusty 9mm Berretta out and I stood back shocked – I could not move. When I recovered I realised it was a Desert Eagle, a popular weapon in the Pinetown area that I grew up in and manufactured by Colt. I was in a youth gang in my early teens and carried a similar model. This one looked as though it had never been cleaned and was in obvious neglect. To everyone’s horror he cocked it and fired it into the ground – a loud shot ringing in the ears. He shrugged off the reaction and began to wave the gun in the air – everyone was absolutely flabbergasted and in shock. Pieter went to talk to him but he seemed out, pointing to the floor and then smiling.

Pieter: Gareth came through the dodgy front door and was smiling. I ran up to him to find out where he had been. He had a gold band or ring in his hand and was he waving it around. I asked him where he got it and he said it was ‘earthly’ and kept pointing at the floor. He seemed happy and shouted.
‘We found Barry Boome’
‘You are joking bru? Where were you?’
‘We found Barry, honest, oath’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah, he is down by the river, I think he was drinking rum with two locals’

Porto: I had lost my gold tooth only to see Gareth waving it around. As I made my way towards him the door pushed opened again and two strangers followed Dave in. They were rough, their clothes worn, as much from the inside as outside and it was obvious they were native to the land. Dave held a bottle and rum in his hand and drank heavily oblivious to all of us around him. He had obviously had a bit to drink and he threw the bottle to the floor, shattering it, and this started the chaos.

Pronkie: Dave and his mates started dancing. I shook my head and sat in the corner. What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

Greg: Pronkie had his 'man-period' that day and sat in the corner with his 'man-panties' in a bunch.

Dave: It was the best party I had been to in years. Everyone loved my two new friends and we had a great time.

Frank: The two locals were furious and produced long spears. They attempted to move us out of the hut and that’s when things started to turn nasty. Kirkland was the quickest to react.

Kirkland: I grabbed the skinny runts spear and snapped it in half, then threw him across to the other side of the hut. Scully started kicking him while he was down on the floor. Dopey kept walking around the hut shouting "fire extinguisher?", I am not really sure what he was doing.

Gregory: I picked up the pot bellied guy before giving him a ‘power bomb’, 'compliments of Captain Insaino'.

Pronkie: Shit hit the fan. We were out of there, running. Everyone was following Dave, who had bolted first. Outside the front of the hut the landscape was incredible and we ran downhill towards a rather large river and estuary.

Dave: I ran. I realised everyone was behind me running as well and we only stopped when we reached Barry Boome. Barry was still out cold but Ojjo was up tending to what looked like a miniature bonsai donkey and giraffe, each about the size of a beer can. I dipped my head in the stream to try to focus but sleep strangled me.

Dopey: We all arrived to see Barry sleeping next to a river. Nobody could figure it out, we were thousands of miles from home and it seemed like we were losing it. Dave had passed out next to Barry and I gave that little fairy a kick in the ribs as I passed him.

Kirkland: I kissed Barry on the cheek, I was so happy to see him. I lay down and must have sharted as I drifted off because I could hear someone complaining and shouting my name.

Ryan: We all just fell asleep, that’s the last thing any of us remember.

Ojjo: We smiled and watched them sleep. Far are the cries, when wounded by the free.

Dopey: Then we woke up on a fucking tennis court. In fucking Thailand.

Dave: With a business card from the hotel stuck to our foreheads. Nobody could find Wiggy.

Gregory: We just could not find Wiggy.

Returned to the Earth

2006-12-02T07:11:00.000Z

With a last struggle to free herself she then knew it was all over, and looked across at everybody in turn, all faces spilling with shear terror. The six holes now ready for them in the warm earth, it was just a matter of time. Pain shot through the centre of her back as she was kicked into the shallow grave in front, she felt hands gripping her as she was turned around so as to face the heavens and her executioners. The military dark green uniform seemed to blend into the dark korean face which was smiling, and then the dirt came, constant, beating and very warm. A sweet taste permeated through the soil and she could only imagine it to be the insects caught up in the digging, panick set in but soon left and then everything faded.

Happy Days...

2006-10-26T14:51:00.000Z

The boys out for the night (Miguel is propped up on a bar stool, holding his spacial enhancer), that's Dopey on the left with the dodgy shirt, Puddles at the back with Bryan and Wiggy in the front. Nobody can remember how Porto got there...Breakdown in undercover surveillance...

The Connection

2006-10-26T14:31:00.000Z

Bob had met Bryan during an international rugby match between Japan and South Africa, it had been one of the best days of Bob's life as they had thrashed the Springboks in front of the Japanese faithful. Bryan had come up to him after the match discussing some of the plays and they had later gone for a beer and then dinner with Bryan's wife Mags, a New Zealand lass who loved the game and was never short of conversation and support for her husband. Years later after Bob's career had ended, the result of a nasty bite on the arm by a Puff Adder while climbing for charity in the South African Drakensburg, Bryan had convinced him to come and work at Hills Holland and introduced him to Bart Mickel. Bob began working for Fatcat Piet and initially found a great bunch of guys working there and good times were had by all. He only noticed a general change in attitude after one faitful night where one of the lads working there by the name of Powder, who seemed to be a bit on the wild side, had an affair with a young girl by the name of Grumpy Dixie.

The waiting game

2006-10-26T14:05:00.000Z

Desperate to get into the army base, Bob was crawling under the nets that they use for training and trying to squeeze under the outer wall, when all of a sudden a man whose face was partially disfigured jumped up in front of him and stabbed him in the back. He held no fear though and just as he was stabbed he found himself sitting in a cinema, watching himself in the movie taking the knife.
Bob came to in an instant, gasping for air, feeling a tingling sensation in the small of his back. He and Wiggy were waiting out the lions in a tree and he must have fallen asleep. He looked across at Wiggy who was resting quietly giving him a quizzical look. Bob had played rugby for Japan a few years earlier and he now felt the familiar sensation of being completely exhausted. Unable to sleep now his thoughts drifted and he went over what had happened so many years back.

A rough bunch

2006-10-24T14:00:00.000Z

Less publicised figures in Wiggy's plot, but no less important were Bryan Howe, an employee of Hills Holland, and two members of a local Portuguese street gang going by the names of Scully Moldo and Porto. Bryan Howe was a former Springbok rugby coach, who had a black market business deal with Scully and Porto intimidating certain players that Bryan considered a threat. His replacement as coach after an embarrassing string of losses, saw him out of favour with the public and unemployed for a few years before finding work at Hills Holland. Bryan never fell off the gangs radar though and they monitored him continuously knowing it was easy money should they need to blackmail him at any stage. Bryan Howe stumbled accidentally onto Wiggy's treachery and it was not long before the gang demanded his involvement and their inclusion in the spoils. It was rumoured that Porto at that stage was already suffering from syphilis.

Dopey - Silent puppeteer

2006-10-23T17:13:00.000Z

Dopey grew up in a fairly stable environment and joined Hills Holland while studying at the University of Nisa. His only evils were the occasional drink, an insatiable appetite for paracetemol and his often public sexual exploits. Although known to all as Dopey due to his addiction for pills, he was sometimes jokingly referred to by those close to him as 'Bumfleas' an obvious reference to one of his sexual conquests. He obtained a job at Hills Holland through a very good friend of his named Fatcat Piet working there at the time and was known to be a hard worker and very focused on his studies. Dopey became more and more restless however and it was during a night out after work that he and Powder made friends. Powder's influence was instant and soon Dopey was firing on brandy and bad temperament, having sleepless nights and performing numerous acts of vandalism. Dopey was reputed to have discharged five fire extinguishes in a night of rage, causing thousands worth of damage.

The Plot - Part 2

2006-10-23T16:34:00.000Z

Powder came from a gentle background to become one of the hardest men in the Addington area. He became known to all when he severely beat a young girl outside a local nightclub. The 'bloodbath' incident was splashed around the newspapers and on all the news channels. Some said it was because his soccer career had ended that he turned, others said it was the loss of his long time girlfriend that pushed him over the edge but whatever it was, it became obvious that the ball was rolling and he would not stop. Powder enjoyed the good life and more often than not was fuelled up on beer and brandy with his most pleasured beverage of 'double brandy, half ice, no coke' soon becoming very popular in the bars in and around the Queensborough ghetto. His frequent trips to Amsterdam saw him indulging in vast quantities of magic mushrooms and often getting himself in trouble with the law by chasing underage girls. Powder was then set to be a player in Wiggy's game when he blackmailed a corrupt official named Bart Mickel, then Junior Vice President at Hills Holland, and secured a job where he had access to private personnel files.

The Plot

2006-10-23T16:16:00.000Z

It was the dusk of 1997 when Wiggy dreamed up his plot to secure a vast sum of money and to take down the international corporation of Hills Holland. He worked his way slowly up the ranks and within three years had been made manager of a section known only as 'The Bay Side'. Slowly and carefully he began to record the secrets and plan his assault. His most notable accomplices at this stage were a young, slender man named Dave, who would soon earn the name in the Addington area of 'Powder' and a short chubby friend from the Pineview Projects known only as Dopey.

Wiggy was always said to be greatly frustrated through life, probably attributed to the loss of a testicle during a game of cricket when he was very young. His friendship with Powder and Dopey was no accident and it was this friendship that would see them all bonded for life and would one day change the life of Miguel forever.

Bob continues on...

2006-10-23T13:01:00.000Z

Bob realised all too quickly that he was in a lot of trouble, and summoned the help of someone he had not talked to in a long while, someone whom he never thought he would see again. Wiggy, a local game ranger, flew in as soon as he could, he owned a small helicopter which he had purchased using the proceeds of an insurance scam many years back. Although not innocent by any stretch of the imagination, he was now law abiding and not the same man he once was when he worked at Hills Holland as a high level executive. Wiggy greeted Bob heartily and with no time to spare the two pushed on, catching up on the old days while they moved slowly through the dense vegetation of the river banks. It had taken Bob a long time to forgive Wiggy and he often found himself staring blankly at his thumb, which still bore the injuries he had sustained during that final struggle with Wiggy which had occurred on the beaches of Addington so many years back.

Infamous dream of the infidel

2006-10-20T12:48:00.001Z

In an African safari park Bob was on a mission, he had to stop two enormous anacondas from mating. His friends Miguel, Puddles and Gustopher were enjoying a day out with him, all except Miguel that is, who had no legs and no wheelchair (he had discontinued use of a wheelchair after an intense meditation session). After a long hike to the river (which was tough going for Miguel) they made it to an abandoned car park alongside the river and could see the two giant anacondas in the distance. There in the car park were two wheelchairs, one state of the art, the other with no back rest, a sagging seat and dodgy wheels. Bob, naturally, ran and jumped in the good chair, with Miguel, complaining, jumping in the dodgy one and they spent a few moments remembering their youth racing go karts. Miguel never stopped complaining that he wanted the good wheelchair with the back rest as he kept falling off his one. Nobody likes a winger, Bob always says. After a short while Bob resumed his journey alone, however by now, two lions had positioned themselves between himself and the horny reptiles.

The New Land

2006-10-19T14:49:00.000Z

Free love once more
Don’t cry 'forgotten', but heal in our muddied minds
For days like these are slim then none
To fondle our cravings is Just and surreal
But, to spit down our dreams,
Forgiveness is lost.
Group familiarity, hesitation enticed
And thought defies will.
In the sun of this dream
Of images and trance
There in the traveling child
The one of the rebirth shall find his own
And the sleepers will wake to the new land
To discover their start.

Life flows within

2006-10-18T17:12:00.000Z

Time stands still in traffic

Socrates believed that care of the soul is more important than care of the body. Do not make the body the cage of the soul, live well, eat, sh#g, love and die.

All that was, all that is, all that will be...

2006-10-18T13:09:00.000Z

And so ojjo rests. If you ask me whether I believe in ojjo completely, the answer is a definite, 'yes'. Ask yourself, for how long have you questioned the meaning of life at a given time, an hour? Half an hour every day? More? How often do you just give up? And finally, have you a definite opinion you are prepared to stand by or are you floating, hedging your bets with the majority? Without proof to the contrary all any of us can do, is guess. Yes, it is faith, but faith without thorough thought is fear of the unknown...
ojjo lived, is living, and will continue to live. Here, somewhere else, everywhere for it is an impasse of time and space, this journey of the soul, in our lives will not reveal our fate.

The Ancients - Return of ojjo

2006-10-17T12:22:00.000Z

The absence of time affords us numerous theories and ultimately I have little doubt that time is a temporary obstacle put in place by a higher being (I may have doubts concerning whether the higher being is the highest being though). Once you dismiss time in this manner you can concentrate on how a higher being may view existence. TIME MAKES NO SENSE. Worshiping a God for eternity MAKES NO SENSE, as eternity implies the existence of time which implies a start to both our existence and Gods existence. I believe in a God, but not in time. Ultimately, if you believe in a start you must believe in an end (something must have been around to create a start...). Existence can only therefore (in my opinion) be perceived as parallel, amalgamated into an energy that has no beginning and no end. As ojjo lived thousands of years ago, ojjo lives today, as the pyramids were created, the Inca trails blazed, so are they today. Our perception of these is flawed, and we exist within that which exists within another, which ultimately exists within us all. Paths cross and we progress, our energy levels increase. We do not become God, but we form part of God. We should not fear God, but accept that which we do not know and accept that we are part of this Universe in the same way that God is our Universe.

Dreams - why, which, where

2006-10-13T13:11:00.000Z

I can put my hand on my heart and say that just about every night I will have a dream that alternates between snakes and flying. I have gotten so used to these dreams that when I used to get bitten by the snake and wake up I now sleep through it. The same is said for falling, flying and all that, I used to wake up with gasp, now I hit the ground and move to the next dream.
I have the definite ability to remember a lot of my dreams although I have heard you begin a new dream every few minutes. By the way, according to a popular dream book, snakes are supposed to be interpreted that someone you trust will stab you in the back. Snakes however would by far be my favourite pet or animal, but I suppose you never know...
There are two theories on why we dream, the physiological and the psychological. The psychological is to me, the most interesting and Aristotle wrote about the connection between dreams, experiences and needs. Some believe dreams to prophetic as written in the Bible and others believe, as Freud did, any number of things buried deep in our memory.

The Darkies

2006-10-12T17:02:00.000Z

If we believe Newton's laws of physics and gravity, then our galaxy along will all other galaxies within our comprehension could not exist [according to the scientists]. This is due to the fact that atoms [of which everything we know is made] do not have sufficient mass to stop galaxies from collapsing on themselves. Scientists have therefore devised the theory of dark matter which must make up 94% of the universe in order to generate sufficient mass [according to computer simulations] not to collapse the galaxy. Unfortunately everything we know is made up of atoms and so we could never prove the existence of something which is not made up of atoms, although scientists continue to try. Science has also decided [with some resistance] that the big bang should be causing the expanding universe to be slowing down. The expanding universe, however has been proven to be increasing in speed, hence the necessary need for dark energy [the only plausible solution to an increase in speed]. On a program fairly recently on the Discovery channel they were even mentioning that this dark matter and energy could be the existence of God, the dust from Aliens etc. etc. etc.

Universe - Parallel, Plasma, or dark matter

2006-10-12T16:48:00.000Z

We can not discuss the probability of parallel universes without briefly touching on cosmology and the theories of what constitutes the universe.
Reference is made to the book by Eric Lerner called 'The big bang never happened' and this book is criticized on the following link http://www.astro.ucla.edu/~wright/lerner_errors.html
By the way the book is not easy reading and far above my intellect but so interesting that you will read through the formulae, graphs and equations and enjoy the gist of it. The book was also published quite a while back although still very applicable. Scientists are mostly divided into opposing sides, those that believe in the existence of dark matter and dark energy (the existence of both of these has never been proven) and those that believe Newtons laws of physics do not apply to larger and further mass. Please forgive the numerous posts as my gateway does not allow too much to be uploaded and bombs out if I ramble on too long. So the next post will continue into dark matter...

Back to ojjo and the simple life

2006-09-29T15:58:00.000Z

Right, back to the thoughts of ojjo and we have a few topics which still require an introduction.

Basic Forms of Life
parallel universes

The most basic forms of life can hopefully provide the most honest answers to the meaning of life. An insect (we could go simpler if you prefer) has the ability to suffer and yet we see no evidence of love, fulfillment or other emotions. Mating is instinctive and one can only guess why they have such a propensity to fight for life. They seem to inflict no pain on themselves (lemmings excluded) and when you view how the ant have such a structured society it certainly begs questions to be asked.

Little Girl of mine are they following you

2006-09-29T13:14:00.000Z

Little Girl of mine, did you kill that boy? So what was your weapon of choice? Did you shoot that gun, or did you use that knife, so chillingly reserved, for all those lovers delight? Did you use your fists, and little Girl of mine did you come? Did you crawl around in smiling grace, or did you panic into a run? Did you feel that warmth, or hide, in all your whitewashed thoughts? Little Girl of mine did you kill that Girl, on bloodied fields this day? Did you hear the screams, then speak to explain, of how you are so sane? Little Girl of mine, do you want to die, I can feel your sorrows cry, though don’t you find that fun is lust and lost without me there? Perhaps you look to heart to see how similar you are to me. Please look around on these your grounds and tell me you’ve not won. Speak soft your voice, light touch your feet, can you smell your own deceit? Little Girl of mine, alone in time, alone on these plains today. Now, Little Girl of mine, are you free? With all this talk of hunting fate it is the only way to be.

Outside

2006-09-29T13:02:00.000Z

The honeymoon was to be perfect, the afternoon was cool and the couple stood hand in hand, watching the sun set over the ocean, misted by the light rain. The lovers kissed before returning to their suite. And the raindrop hides from his tears as he climbs into an empty nest, seeking shelter in the corner, in the darkness. Looking over the rain-swept sea to a place where his lover falls, waiting and watching as the sun sets. Virgin sunset forgotten as though he had seen it a thousand times before, wind breathing constantly, raindrops are screaming. The smell makes us shiver as the warmth flows through our veins. It is the smell of death, recognised instinctively and he whispers quietly to himself as the end is near. To have spent that moment with someone whom you are destined to touch makes me feel alive, but I can’t help but think it is in death we shall be. For you must wait a while as I complete that which I control. It shall be our gift, you will not be alone, our leaves are shed off the same branch. The newly-weds made love, content, with the sound of the rain splashing outside.

Vision

2006-09-29T12:59:00.000Z

Can you see it? Faint glow touching the frigid night. The light sparked, but what it trigged, I do not know. Explosion… the damage, yet to be known. A piece offering of silence, clarity. Then, thundered a thousand veins, voicing untold memories in that single heartbeat. Sinking, burning embers, the shaking, stormy seas, ancient captains await while naked patrons dance on the sea floor. The breath of onlooking urchins are felt against the current. The battle is not yet lost as mutilated fingers grip the swollen surface. Determination, pull, you must - are you out? Swim now, amongst the seagulls, dive through the sand, for you are now free not of your journey, but of your vision.

The Darker side

2006-09-29T12:58:00.000Z

Supporting the hunter and encouraging the strong, dominant prowess, there evolves what is wrong. What is warped? What is right? To the creatures of the soil with heart of no home and of blood with no body. To the twisted thoughts that hide in a crowd. To the killer that stalks, boarded in their mind and to the prey that shuts itself down before the kill.

Return

2006-09-29T12:55:00.000Z

Prepare your mind and mould your emotions tonight, do this well. Build your foundations strong, My child, and I too, shall decorate myself in our last darkness. Tomorrow we shall fight our daemons, peace be our background which we will glimpse through bloodied senses, but My child, should victory comfort us, we will live on our battlefield, amongst our enemies, favoured by our sightless eyes. In a light that shall never fade, a pure spirit shall be borne and we shall return.

Life of ojjo - Part VIII

2006-09-28T10:55:00.001Z

Life without Society

For the religious folk out there, consider the difference in the following:
A person brought up in a modern society as a Christian who attends church on a weekly basis and feels strongly about their beliefs.
A person who lives deep in the Congo (African) jungle who has never heard of the Christian religion and believes in the All Knowing Crocodile God of the river.

These two people are living life at the same time, which according to popular belief is a grain of sand in the ocean floor of Gods creation. The popular belief amoung the Christians is that if you do not worship the correct God, you will not follow the righteous path to heaven and hence the spread of missionaries around the world. Surely this then means they believe that they hold knowledge that others don't and if others don't obtain this knowledge they will not follow the path of Gods love. How can this view of life be compared with their view of God who creates all things equal, has a love of all men equal and has given every person the greatest gift of all, this life?

Life of ojjo - Part VII

2006-09-26T16:51:00.000Z

Do you ever lie in bed at night and just before you sleep, when you lightly close your eyes (allowing only a slight bit of light in), see shapes and faces milling around?
No doubt this is your subconscious which is slowly becoming active and getting ready for your dreams. I would further imagine that the people saying that they also see these shapes are those that have vivid and numerous dreams. Those that don't, probably don't remember the majority of their dreams. The faces are clear and changeable and always seem highly related to what was done did during the day. So powerful is the ability to focus on images and alter them that the change from awake into sleep must be an instant and sudden blur. If the subconscious is so powerful and so elusive of the patterns of time and earth, perhaps it is then possible to turn to a life of this order, perhaps this is a taste of the next energy level although our firm anchor within the creation of earth will not let us progress.
What of ghosts and spirits? Religion and spirituality?
Even those wholly opposed to the existence of ghosts will admit to their belief in Angels and the work of God.

Life of ojjo - Part VI

2006-09-26T16:41:00.000Z

Love, lust and the afterlife

For the romantics it is as important as the meaning of life, perhaps even, it is the meaning of life. So you love your partner, they pass and you find love again. How do you feel this will affect your soul? If you believe in one life as opposed to many lives or if you believe in the journey of the soul with an intrinsic romance cumulating as you rise to a higher energy level, this question will elate you or deflate you. Do you believe in a soul group as popularised by the Celestine Prophesies? Are we integrating with the same souls on the path of the soul? How do you view your siblings and lost relatives? Is love an earthly emotion and are we being naive to think this exists in the afterlife? So many questions...

Life of ojjo - Part V

2006-09-26T16:39:00.000Z

Eternity or end

What happens when you reach a higher energy level? Will I get bored?
How do you see time and its effect? We could possibly be viewing time as an earthly restraint which does not exist at a higher energy level. If you believe time is as it stands then who do you believe created God? And so the questions revolve and revolve until we come down to one fact, which is this, if you believe in God then that God must have put earthly barriers in place to deny us the logic of knowing the meaning of life and the way the universe works. Our lack of intelligence could be viewed as an earthly barrier as well. If you don’t believe in God, you must surely have a few questions regarding time and the coincidental explosion of life. Where did time start?

Life of ojjo - Part IV

2006-09-26T16:01:00.001Z

Purpose of life

To experience the beauty of the gift of life, perhaps to experience suffering so we are grateful for the afterlife, or perhaps we are here to entertain higher beings or God.

Fellow man or cinema of the soul

Do you believe the person next to you is real?
Perhaps everything around you is made by God but centered around your universe, i.e. those people do not have the same feelings and are not partaking in the same journey as you. The Matrix trilogy proved how many people warmed up to this idea, but 'ouch'...
This is a dangerous thought as society as we know it is built around a person’s ability to feel remorse and guilt with regard to the treatment of others. This view point does however, lead to the possible elimination of the journey of the soul theory, but asks serious questions as to who is with you, and how alone you may be.

Life of ojjo - Part III

2006-09-26T15:59:00.000Z

Journey of the soul

Assuming you believe in God, God has given you the ability to think on your own and as such you should not be afraid to take a stand and commit to your opinions. Answer the following but have a definite opinion of your own:
• When do you believe life begins?
• Do you believe a God would give souls only one life with which varied challenges would be faced? I.e. Would God create all things unequal?

Consider the following scenario:
A man lives to be 96 years old and lives a true and great life with a wealthy family, while an infant is born and dies when it is only a few hours old. Do you believe in this instance that both souls progress to the afterlife? What is the purpose then of life if you consider the infant? This scenario is vital to any belief system. A journey of the soul supports a view that God creates all things equal and that a soul progresses through predefined challenges in its move to a higher energy level, this then brings up the question of destiny another topic entwined with the meaning of life.

Life of ojjo - Part II

2006-09-26T10:59:00.000Z

God

Yes/No - Please tick the box. It is that simple.

I seem to recall a movie about Sherlock Holmes where Dr Watson asked Sherlock if he believed in God, and Sherlock picked up a rose from a nearby garden and held it up and pronounced that only a God could create something so complex and so beautiful and as such it is logical that a God must exist.

Life of ojjo - Part I

2006-09-26T09:54:00.000Z

Let us swim quietly through the life and philosophy of ojjo.

We will begin with the obvious and then move further into the depths of ojjo. The first point I would like to make is that the questions of faith are simple, the structure which can be followed is simple and therefore the answers may be simple when not moulded by the collective complexity.
• Do you believe in God (whether Allah, Buddha, or the Crocodile God) ?
• Do you believe in reincarnation (referred to as 'the journey of the soul')?
• What do you see as the purpose of life?
• How do you view your fellow man (real and independent or embodied in your journey)?
• Do you believe in an end or in eternity and how do you justify?
• Love, lust and the afterlife, just what is going on?
• A life without society... lonely, religious or pure?

Intro

2006-09-25T12:27:00.000Z

And here we are,
one of all,
part of something great,
yet what we are a part of, is all we know.

There are questions which may be asked,
there are questions which may be answered,
and there is that which we are not to know